Exactly a year ago today I wrote this farewell letter to Los Angeles. The move was welcomed but we both were nervous and had our doubts about leaving the city that started our story and the people that filled the pages. There are things in my letter that still ring true, fears that we’re still working on letting go- but what a year it’s been! Rather than having started a new chapter, I’m pretty sure we’ve started an entirely new volume.
Reflecting on this year is almost impossible for me- it’s been an emotional roller coaster for so many reasons and I experienced so many moments filled with much joy and sorrow alike. Life is so beautiful and whether I was crying, laughing, terrified, or excited I did my best to simply revel in the ability to feel. Letting ourselves get lost in the pure experience of emotion is one of the most lovely aspects of being human and I hope I never lose the ability to stop and breathe. While I was twirling around on the dance floor at our wedding with my best friend and husband I could almost feel all of the years stressful moments pouring out of me and being replaced by love- I’ve never felt such a high and I’ve never experienced such joy!
It may have taken a year, but we’re settled in our home now. It’s warm, people drop by, photos are hung on the wall, it’s messy and lived in. I know which floor boards will creak underneath my tiptoes, how to open the windows that stick, and the quickest route to Trader Joes. I don’t dream about 4602 Los Feliz much anymore and I no longer feel like a ghost when I walk through our old neighborhood- I just feel like a visitor being welcomed back in with open arms. Change is hard no matter how welcomed it is and, for me, I’ve learned, it’s most certainly a process that takes time to accept. I’m so thankful for all of my friends and family that have let me lean on them this year- you know who you are and I hope you know that it would have been a much rougher road without you.
To Meg of December 22, 2009 I say: Brace yourself for lots of laughter, travel, tears, new friends, stress, joy, work, love, failure, and triumph. Know that while it will most definitely feel like a roller coaster you must take your hair down and enjoy the ride!
To Meg of December 22, 2010 I say: Brace yourself for lots of laughter, travel, tears, new friends, stress, joy, work, love, failure, and triumph. Know that while it will most definitely feel like a roller coaster you must take your hair down and enjoy the ride!
All we can do is keep breathing. – Ingrid Michaelson